Let's Talk, Long Distance Relationships!

"Where there is love, there is life" - Mahatma Gandhi
Way back in 2011 I entered into a long distance relationship (LDR) between Ireland and the UK. Little did I know how hard a relationship was never mind one separated by the sea. So fast forward 3 years and I can happily say I survived! I mean we survived. So I want to share my top tips for making a long distance relationship work.

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Be Realistic

This is the hardest thing to enforce upon yourself when you are falling in love. However it is essential you put all your cards on the table before you put your heart out there for grabs. You need to discuss what both of you want from the relationship in terms of communication times and how often ye aim to meet up. If you are in different time zones this can become very difficult.  Do not fret! Time can be managed and you can easily arrange an earlier bed time so you gain an extra hour in the morning to communicate with your partner, and you can both take turns doing this. In terms of meet ups, cost and free time for travel can also be an issue, so communication is key! Try to arrange time off together and look for flight and train bookings early online when you can get tickets a lot cheaper. After talking about these issues both you and your partner will have a better idea whether to proceed with the relationship or not.

Snail Mail

You are probably thinking, ‘Who in the lord’s name writes letters in this day and age?’ Well you are about to start to if you want to maintain a close connection with your partner when apart! A simple hand written letter can keep the relationship feeling more tangible as they can hold your letter, read your handwriting and perhaps you could include a sprites of your perfume so it feels to them as though you are closer. You can also send each other handmade gifts, they are effective in creating that feeling of closeness Facebook messages do not. If finances are tight this is also an affordable means of gifting each other.

Trust

This was people’s biggest question for me during my LDR, ‘How can you trust him?’… Well in my opinion if I trust someone I trust them entirely whether they are beside me or afar. If a partner is going to be unfaithful or lie they will do it no matter what the distance is between you and them. If you are questioning your partners ability to be trusted you need to have a serious talk with them as a relationship without trust is one on the path to hardship. After a long conversation with your partner your worries should be quenched or your fears will be realised. Never allow yourself to be left in limbo by a partner especially when they are in another country, it will only affect you for the worst. Love should not hurt, no matter what some terrible pop singers say.

Spending Time Together

‘But Bébhinn, we are in different countries!’ I know, I know. I still believe to maintain that feeling of closeness you should in your free time watch a movie or your favourite TV show at the same time even if you are not together. You can still discuss and joke about it like a couple sitting beside one another, believe me there is no difference ye will still argue over how terrible that scene from ‘Harry Potter’ was. You can also play board games online together or whatever games you like! I know again it sounds so corny but your relationship is private so whatever makes you both happy, fire ahead!

Webcam

Please tell me you regularly have conversations through Skype? If you are not seeing each other and having responsive communication through a video service at least 2-3 times a week I would be raising some serious questions about your partner in disguise. Be aware that people online are not always what they seem, if someone is evading talking to you on Skype it is time to INSIST on such real time visual communication. If they refuse, cut ties. Catfish and exploitive people are everywhere do not put yourself in danger even if you have fallen in love with a lonely voice. For those who are having regular healthy visual contact and believe the person to be who they say they are you must still ensure that when you decide to meet this person in real life to bring a friend or parent with you no matter what age you are. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Goals

Lastly you should both have goals for the relationship, both short and long term. How long will the long distance relationship be for? Will someone be willing to move country? These questions are totally personal, I cannot answer these for you all I can do is advise you that there should be an end point agreed for the distance and that there is a plan in place to accomplish all goals. The distance can become wearing and even depressing at times, so if each partner knows when they will be reunited again for a holiday or for good it can lighten the worry. Staying positive is essential to keeping the relationship healthy and happy. Talking about your worries with each other is key to solving issues and creating such goals. If your partner is unwilling to create any solid plans or agree to an end point it is for you to evaluate the relationship and as to if there is a serious commitment on both sides. Do not be taken for a fool by any partner near or far.

P.S. Some key tips for those concerned about being Catfished.

1. Ask for a picture of them holding a piece of paper with your name and today's date wrote on it. Ensure they are in the picture also!
2. Utilise Googles reverse search pictures tool.  Check this great article on how to do it here. If your Catfish is using popular images they will pop up.
3. Google all information given to you by the person to confirm their existence or at least that the information is valid.
4. Be wary of people who claim to be any form of famous or live a lavish lifestyle. However also be aware or people with very low social media friends/connections.
5. NEVER send money to anyone online even if you are 100% sure they are who they say they are. Even those who show their face can be exploitative.

Phew. Maintaining long distance relationships, especially those conducted online can be a whole lot of trouble but they can also be amazing! Using your intuition and being aware is key to ending up in an amazing situation and not on the end of a bad one.

I hope this helps you out in determining whether a long distance relationship is for you or not!

Learning to judge less and live 'A Judge Less Life'


4 comments :

  1. Great post, really well written :) I love your blog and I have followed you with Bloglovin. If you ever get a chance to check out my blog I would be delighted, thanks!

    Camille xo

    www.cococami.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thanks sweetie!! Just had a ganger at your blog, super fabulous :) Il be over to follow you on BlogLovin x

      Bébhinn ✽ A Judge Less Life ajudgelesslife.blogspot.ie

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  2. Oh wow I wrote something similar on my blog a long time ago about being in a distant relationship. My boo travels often for his work and it could be very difficult at times. We used snail mail at times, it was really sweet and I sent care packages and he sent love notes. Phone is helpful and of course skype was really big for us.

    www.delightfulstruggles.com

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    Replies
    1. It is a hard endeavour for any couple, glad you found ways to make it work :)

      Bebhinn + A Judge Less Life

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